


You Haunt Me in My Sleep

by Cecil_Fry



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aaron Hotchner Needs a Hug, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Foyet is awful, Hurt Aaron Hotchner, Hurt/Comfort, I'm glad he's dead, No Smut, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, and he gets multiple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26786164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cecil_Fry/pseuds/Cecil_Fry
Summary: Hotch has been dating Beth for several months. He doesn't want her to judge him for anything that has happened, but what will happen when he has a panic attack when he's on a date with her?
Relationships: Beth Clemmons/Aaron Hotchner, past Aaron Hotchner/Haley Hotchner - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	You Haunt Me in My Sleep

Their date had been wonderful. They had gotten dinner, and gone to the park. It was nice to have time alone without Jack. Hotch loved Jack more than life itself, but every parent needs a break. He and Beth had been dating for a few months now, and it was nice to have someone to talk to that wasn’t one of his coworkers. As Rossi had once said, he spent way too much time with them. 

They were now sitting on the couch, with Beth reading Lord of the Rings out loud. It was the Fellowship of the Rings, and it was nice to be read to. Hotch was usually the one reading to Jack, so it was nice for a change of pace. He was curled up, with his feet underneath him, head resting on Beth’s shoulder. She looked down at him, kissed his head, and giggled.

“What?” He asked, just a little nervous. He’d never admit it, but he had tragically low self esteem. He really wanted Beth to like him. He might have sounded paranoid, but when he and Haley were still together, and not having problems, he would ask her if she really did like him, or was just staying with him out of pity. 

“You’re so adorable,” She said, still giggling slightly. He blushed beet red, and she kissed his forehead. He didn’t think he could blush anymore, but he managed to. She kissed the tip of his nose. And put the book down next to her, grabbing a tissue to use as a bookmark. She kissed him again, and he melted. This was his favorite part of a relationship, kisses and cuddles. She cupped his cheek, and he wrapped his hand around the back of her head. Her hair was so soft, and her head was warm. 

She was practically sitting on his lap at this point. It was odd to be this close to another person again. He missed it, he realized. He missed cuddling with someone before bed. He missed being able to let down his guard and just be himself. She started unbuttoning his shirt, and he shifted as she pulled it off him. He shivered slightly as the air hit his skin. She laughed slightly, and he smiled. She discarded her own shirt, and kissed his nose. He blushed and smiled. 

Then he felt a hand on his hip, and he panicked. He pushed the person on top of him off and pulled himself away, covering his chest. He heard himself whimper, and felt tears gathering in his eyes. He had to get him off, now. But he was dead. Hotch had killed him. Why was he back? He felt a hand touch him, and he scrambled away and muttered a broken, “No,” under his breath. 

He heard a soft voice say, “Aaron?” The person sounded scared. It was a woman’s voice. Maybe it was Haley? “No Aaron, not Haley. Just Beth,” He hadn’t realized he had spoken out loud. Beth? Why was Beth here? Why couldn’t he breath? His head and chest hurt, and the room seemed to spin. He closed his eyes and curled into himself. “Everything is okay. You’re at home, I’m the only one here,” He looked up, Beth was sitting on the floor in front of him, her hands in front of her, trying to calm him. “Take deep breaths. In,” She breathed in, he copied her. “And out,” They continued to take deep breaths together, in out, in out. His heart and breath started to slow, though his head pounded. Haley- no, Beth stood up, “I’m going to get you a glass of water and an Advil. Alright?” He nodded. She walked out of his sight, and his eyes focused on the book she had been reading. The Fellowship of the Rings. It must have been knocked off the couch, because it was lying on the floor, it’s pages open. 

He couldn’t seem to take his eyes off it. He stared, transfixed, until Beth came back from the kitchen. She handed him the water and Advil. He quickly swallowed both of the Advil, gulping down the water. She sat next to him, making sure not to touch him. They sat in silence for what felt like hours, but was more like 15 minutes. Finally Beth spoke up, “Do you want to talk about it,”

He laughed dryly. He certainly didn’t want to talk about it, but it was for the best. He had put his shirt back on, and was feeling much less vulnerable. Even though he had made the decision to talk, he still stuttered, “I- I don’t know- I’m sorry. I should have warned you before,” 

Beth shook her head, “Don’t apologize,” He turned his head swiftly to listen to look at her. “You don’t have to tell me. Whatever made you panic is your business,” She paused. “But it doesn’t just have to be your problem. I really care about you Aaron,” He snorted. “No, I really do. I care what happens to both you and Jack. And, I want to help you,” She hesitated before saying. “Whatever it is, I won’t judge you or think differently about you,”  
He took a shaky breath and decided he would begin with something easier, “So, there's something you should know. I never really cared about sex. Never did, still don’t,” he laughed slightly. “I know, it’s weird,”

She shook her head, “No it’s not,”

He shot her a smile and continued, “It only really have sex, because my partner wants to and I want to make them happy. It’s just never been a big deal for me. And I haven't been with anyone since…” He trailed off. “Well, so I didn’t know I would react so badly,” He wasn’t sure how to continue. “I haven't had- I haven’t been- I have had an intimate contact with anyone since-” He paused again, scared with how she might react. He didn’t want her to treat him any differently. “Since I was raped, so yeah,” He finished nervously.

She took a sharp breath and he flicked his eyes up to look at him. Her eyes were filled with horror and he thought she might have been about to cry. He realized that it was the first time he had told someone what had happened that wasn’t some type of doctor.”Aaron,” She said, her voice shaking. “Can I give you a hug?” He nodded and she wrapped her arms around him. He sat stock still at first, but soon relaxed in her arms. He buried his face in her neck, tears falling into her hair.   
“Can we have something to eat?” He murmured. 

Beth laughed tearfully, “Yeah, let’s get something to eat,”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They sat at the kitchen table eating Trader Joe’s mac and cheese. It was one of Jack’s favorites, and he and Hotch had basically been living off it, much to Dave’s dismay. They were eating out of the white bowls with little blue flowers. Hotch had no idea where he had gotten them, they had just turned up in the cabinet, but he suspected that Garcia was responsible. She left little things for most of the team whenever she was at their house. Jack loved it, but Hotch always felt guilty. He hated receiving gifts. 

He stared at the carpet in the living and dining room. Morgan had replaced it after. Both Morgan and Dave had scrubbed his apartment clean after forensics was done with it, just like he’d done for Elle. He wondered where Elle was now. Maybe she was having a normal happy life, but he doubted it. She was probably helping people, wherever she was. He didn’t even realize he was speaking when he said, “It happened there,” He pointed at the spot where he had been stabbed. It looked completely normal, like every other spot in his apartment. 

Beth’s eyes followed his finger to where it was pointing, “It happened here?” She said softly, her eyes full of worry. No pity though, that was good. He nodded. “Why haven’t you moved?”

“I didn’t want him to win,” He hadn’t really thought about why until that moment, but he knew that had been the reason, and still was. “He’d taken so much. I wasn’t going to let him take this home too,”

Her eyes widened, “It-it was him,” She whispered this. He had told her about what had happened to Haley and the story about his scars. He nodded. And she stood up and started washing their bowls.

“I can do that,” He said, quite worried. 

“No, no,” She sniffled. “I’ve got it,” She dropped one of the bowls in the sink and it crashed at the bottom, smashing. “Shit!” She yelled. “Shit, shit, shit,” She grabbed a dust pan, cleaning the glass shards from the sink. When Hotch tried to help her, she snapped at him to sit back down, then apologized for snapping. As soon as she was finished, she burst into tears. As he watched her cry, tears started to fall from Hotch’s eyes.

They walked back to the couch together, both crying quietly. They curled up into each other. They sat, crying together. Beth sniffled and said, “I’m sorry for breaking down. It’s just so…” She trailed off but they both knew what she meant. 

“You’re the first person I’ve told,” Hotch said quietly. “Other than doctors and the like,” He hadn’t told his team, but they had probably figured it out. “I didn’t even tell my team, but it’s their job to figure those things out. Anytime anyone would even try to discuss him, I would give them my death glare,” 

Bath laughed, “Yes, your death glare is very formidable,” They started laughing/crying again, leaning against each other for support. 

Hotch yawned, “I’m going to go to sleep,” He paused considering his next words. “You can join me,” When she raised her eyebrow at him, he quickly clarified, “Just to sleep!” He then blushed and said, “I like cuddling,” 

She smiled, “Good thing I do too,” They curled against each other, and fell asleep in each other’s arms.


End file.
